What do you say when someone tells you that they feel so much for you and would want to be with you?
Being single for most of my adult life, it would be heaven-sent, would it? End – albeit temporarily – to the search for that person who I could possibly share my life with.
So how come I didn’t feel anything? How come my response was, I’M SORRY…
I’ve never felt so cold-hearted in my entire life. It was not a feeling of repulsion, nor dislike…it was no feelings at all. I looked at him straight and told him that it would never work out.
But after I got over the shock, I thought, What if I’m rejecting him all too soon? Am I not giving him any chance at all? A friend told me that love may not bloom almost immediately. Sometimes, it needs to grow.
The hopeless romantic in me wants the leave me breathless, sweep me off my feet and love at first sight type. But what if my friend was right? Am I really giving it up too soon?
It would be unfair on him though. But if he is really keen on making it work, he would take the risk, wouldn’t he?
He did ask me…What are you afraid of?
I replied, In all my life, I’ve always been the one who feels more for the other person. I wouldn’t really know how to be on the other side of the lake of emotions.
Plus…he has a son.
Wait! I’m not saying that single or separated parents have no right to find love. In fact, I do believe that they more love to give since having a child (or children) of your own is testament to your abilities to give love without expecting nothing in return.
I’m afraid that I would only come second. That if he had to choose, he would choose his son. I know it sounds selfish but I’m being honest. He broke up with his last girlfriend because she had the same fear…okay, not exactly (she was really jealous of the attention he gives his son), and he dumped her.
He said that he would be okay. I couldn’t take comfort on it, though. I know how it is to be on his shoes. I’ve been there so many times. Things get better but they will never be okay.
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i admire your honesty, ladyC. many “sigurista’ girls out there would stick out in a relationship out of pity for the guy or anything less than real love.
your prince will come someday! just hang in there.
hmmm, i’d probably say the same thing as you did if i were put in that situation.
see you soon!
That is tough. Oh LadyC, how I wish there was a bottle of pills that I could send you so that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable being the one who is loved more. It is a much safer side of the relationship.
But then again what do I know? I’ve been in love once. Deeply, passionately. Maybe I’m the one missing out by not being in more relationships?
I am really young. I know nothing. But I believe in going with your gut. If your gut said no to this relationship, that’s your inner being talking. It can’t be wrong.
dear charl, i honestly don’t now what to say. i understand na you ask yourself if you didn’t give yourself the chance to learn to love the guy. and i guess that includes giving yourself the chance to know the kid as well.
i believe na kung pagtatagpuin ulit kayo ng tadhana, makakagawa ng paraan yan. and who knows, if something is supposed to happen (temporarily or permanently), its going to happen. and maybe when that time comes, you have thought more on what you’re going to do and have already assessed your feelings about the guy and his current situation.
good luck on your self discovery!!!! dito lang kami for you!
pinggay
dear charl, i don’t know what to say. i believe na kung meant ng tadhana that you hook up, gagawa at gagawa sya ng paraan. should the time come that you guys meet again, i know you have thought hard about his situation and you have made a decision on how to approach it, you’ll bemore prepared the 2nd time.
i know that you will think rationally and part of you would think that you didn’t give yourself enough time to know him and i guess, pati na rin the son. as i mentioned earlier, if something is meant to happen (temporarily or permanently), fate will find its way. its just up to you to grab the 2nd offering or not.
ingat ka lagi ha! good luck on your self discovery!!!! see you real soon!
pinggay
Hi Lady C.
I agree with pinayhekmi, ako I always go with what my guts say. And though you feel bad now about rejecting him, it’s probably the kindest thing you’ve done. Kesa naman magpaasa ka lang, it’s not fair to you or the other person di ba? Re: fears, we all have them. You know what’s yours, but I hope you won’t let that get in the way of true happiness. Now I know na seryoso ka sa tanong ko about forced choice: yung mas mahal mo o yung mas mahal ka.
Ingat!
at least you’re honest with yourself. but i guess the better response would be something like “let’s get to know each other more” :love7: hehe
my brother is separated from his wife and has two kids (twins!!!).. and has a girlfriend who is a single Mom. Sometimes, in such situations, your parents would convince you to get someone who’s a true bachelor (no son, not married and separated)
congratulations! i think you did the right thing! in a way, you just freed him from someone who is not interested in him.
Lady C, I had been in a similar situation before. Like you I followed my instinct, my gut feel. Years later I was proven right. Thank goodness I did not allow myself to pity him. It was the best for both of us I do believe it was not meant to be. And look at us now, we’re still very good friends and married to other people who are more ‘suited’ to us.
:tongue-in-cheek:
I admire you for being honest with what you want and what you expect. That’s the first and foremost thing anyone shd do – be honest with oneself. Do you really love him? Are you willing to hang on hoping that your feelings will deepen later? What if it didn’t? Will a later break-up be worse or better? Are willing to share his attention with his son? Are you willing to be a step-mom? Yes it’s too soon to think about that – but have foresight my dear. Are you thinking you can change him? Remember, men are built as they are they don’t change (rarely if they do) – while women – they mellow and mature like a great wine! I know that you have all the answers to these questions already so just follow what that voice you inside say. Smart girl you are. Okay I’m getting off my soapbox now. :soapbox:
I feel overwhelmed in a very, very nice way by your comments.
Now I know why having a blog is useful and helpful. See during my pre-blog days, I would usually keep these things to myself in the hope that would just die down with time. But now I have you – people I haven’t even met personally – giving me support and encouragement.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
I will continually keep you abreast with this matter. For now, I am going with my initial gut feel that he and I are better off as friends.