It has been almost 10 years now yet his accusations against me rings in my ear everytime. See, he broke up with me because he felt I didn’t give him room to breathe. That he felt like the goose who laid golden eggs and I was the farmer … I kept on asking and taking from him. Because of that, it has been very difficult for me to ask a favour from anyone — family and friends … either to meet up for a coffee (’cause I got nothing to do and would like some company) or to ask help in packing and moving.
I always feel that I am asking too much. And worse, when I do, and things sort of tend to go a bit askew, guilt beguiles me. That if it hadn’t been for my asking, things would have gone better.
Screwed up. That’s me.
I feel that it is creating a gap in my relationship now with P. If I hadn’t come into the picture, he would have completed his final project. But since I am in his life and we tend to spend the weekends together (as that is the only time I have unless I do take some real time off), he obviously had to set some things aside just to give his attention to me whenever I am around. One friend said that I’m too hard on myself. I can’t help it especially when I could see the disappointment and frustration in his eyes when he is either cramming or when he failed in one of his projects.
It is the same even with my friends. During the time when I was really, really down, I couldn’t even pick up the phone so I could unload my sorrows and just let it all out. I feel that I would be asking a huge favour when I do tell them my heartaches and frustrations.
I don’t want to be the farmer … but then again, I wouldn’t be if I had no goose, right?
Damn him.
Like
but dear, that’s what a relationshp is all about. of course you give up, or miss out on other things. that’s when your priorities will show. it’s a fact of life: one simply cannot have everything all at the same time.
you’re being a farmer when you start demanding time and attention. but that’s not the case, right? he chooses to be with you.
hay naku, it even gets complicated when you get kids, believe me!
don’t let the ghost of your past haunt you. for all you know, you’re in an entirely different situation now with P. if you’re bothered with spending ‘too much’ time with P, why not ask him what he thinks?
don’t worry girl. you’ll be fine.
ruth, but there are times when i feel that he chooses to be with me because he has to as he is my boyfriend. argh, it’s hard!
tin, i do try to ask him once in a while and he does say that he wants and loves spending time with me but of course, he has these obligations with his uni work, too.